Winter Palace Seized; Claus Overthrown; Elves Form Councils, Declare Socialism
[Nov. 23] – Thousands of Elves seized the Winter Palace and overthrew Santa Claus late last night, ending the Claus family dynasty whch has ruled the North Pole for hundreds of years. “We took advantage of the Thanksgiving reverie at the palace—everyone was drunk—and took control with almost no violence,” said one Elf who preferred not to use his name.
Throughout the workshops of the North Pole, Elves have seized the factories and warehouses and formed councils to manage their workplaces themselves. The new National Polar Council has declared that they will not only run the factories but plan to administer the entire society. As the same time they have declared their national sovereignty, saying that they will not be controlled by Russia, Canada, Greenland or any nation.
Asked if he was a leader, the Elf spokesperson said, “We are all leaders here.”
At the first post-Claus era council meeting, an Elf rose to say, “We will now begin the construction of socialism!” The declaration was met with cheers throughout the hall that lasted a good five minutes.
Elves said they plan to continue the traditional distribution of toys, but now they will distribute them on the basis of need. “We will have no contact with Walmart, Target, Amazon or any of the other capitalist corporations that in the past worked with the Claus family,” the National Polar Council declared.
The Elves council called upon parents and children to show their solidarity by refusing to have anything to do with department store and Salvation Army Santas who they say, have for years promoted the cult of personality around the figure of Santa Claus. “We Elves who do all of the work, will be happy to meet and talk with the children.”
An Elf spokesman denied rumors that there were plans to behead Santa Claus and other members of the Claus nobility. “We will put the Clauses to work like the rest of us.”
This morning, the day after Thanksgiving, perfect calm reigns in the North Pole, all is orderly.